Being true to ourselves is vital: is your work version of you, the real you?
Author: Chris MacLeod
These days organisations like to say something like ‘we encourage you to bring your whole self to work’. And that’s fantastic. But it’s never quite that easy, is it? You start to question which parts of your whole self you really want to bring to work and, of those parts, are there any that you think work in fact really wouldn’t want you to bring? So, you talk yourself out of it and carry on the way you have for your entire career, relying on the work-version of you. For me, that’s simply been ‘work-Chris’.
Work-Chris was a helpful persona, and every day as I marched into the office, I could metaphorically feel my mask slip onto my face and then off again as I left each evening, stressed. What I had not appreciated was that this mask, this persona, was not the real me; it was the version of me I thought my boss and colleagues expected to see. The scary thing was that for many years I wasn’t even consciously aware of doing it.
Looking back, I think I’d simply fallen into a routine. I thought I knew what my colleagues expected of me, and I tried my best to represent myself in that way; stoic, hardworking, always willing to pick up that extra piece of work and, above all else, reliable.
The reality of course is that I simply projected my own expectation and sense of professionalism onto others (without them knowing) and judged myself on that basis. The result? I placed myself under greater pressure than any of my colleagues did. The work at that time was also tough and that only increased the pressure I felt which soon developed into stress. My mask stayed firmly in place; I was determined not to let people down or to let stress get the better of me.
I got a nasty wakeup call the day I was diagnosed with depression. I struggled to accept I was stressed or depressed as they were weaknesses - something I later came to realise was nonsense -and so I wrestled with them for quite a while internally. I finally sought help and received fantastic support that enabled me to recover. I was off work for several months and on my return, colleagues commented that they were really surprised I’d been off with depression as I had always come across as happy and jokey. And therein lies the problem.
For me, my ‘mask’, my ‘default position’ is to use humour. And at its core, that is in fact a good representation of the real me; my whole self – I love making people laugh and, for anyone who knows me, I’m always partial to some story telling and anecdotes! But it’s also easy for me to hide behind it at work when things get tough. I now aim to be much more honest with my colleagues (and by virtue, with myself) about how under pressure I’m feeling and push back when needed in the face of mounting requests and an insatiable need at work for more ‘stuff’ to be produced. It’s not always easy, but having those discussions up front is the lesser of two evils.
These experiences have not just helped me to learn more about myself, they’ve helped me realise I’m not alone. Many of us likely bring a ‘work version’ of ourselves to our jobs because we consciously or unconsciously worry about how we’ll be judged. So it’s important for me to share that when I returned to work following that bout of depression, not a single colleague had a bad word to say. In fact, each one I’d shared this with offered support. This varied from sharing their own stories and experiences through to genuine offers to simply listen.
So how do we bring our ‘true selves’ to work?
We can start by not projecting our own sense of expectation or standards onto others. Instead explore why you hold that belief. Perhaps you’re the one who’s opinion and perspective needs to change too? And that’s what happened for me.
Being true to ourselves is vital; hiding or masking may lead to challenges later on. And the good news is that attitudes towards mental health are shifting. Workplaces are often now more than aware of the challenges we may face and offer a great deal of support which is worth exploring. We all have ‘mental health’ and, we hope to keep it in good order, but sometimes we need a helping hand and there are lots of places we can look.
I guess what I have learnt is that I’m now comfortable in being as much of my true self at work as I want to be. My own resilience has improved over the years and I know what sorts of things can cause me problems, so I tackle them early to avoid them becoming more significant, this includes seeking support through work. There are, however, still aspects of my whole self that I haven’t yet felt the need to inflict on my workplace, but maybe one day I will cycle through the assortment of peculiar hobbies and interests I have enjoyed over the years…
Let us know in the comments how you present yourself at work. Is it the real you? Should it be?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR - Chris MacLeod
Chris has worked in project management for over ten years, mainly in central government and the public sector. He has led projects delivering strategic transformation, digital implementations and service improvement. He has been an active volunteer with the APM for around five years and is also a volunteer with a local charity providing support for adults suffering with mental ill-health.